Every twelvemonth Hallmark releases a treasure treasure trove of Christmas decoration , many of them nerdy as all get - out . This holiday season alone , there are ornaments from the Avengers movie , The Dark Knight Rises , Lord of the Rings , Star Wars and Star Trek , just to name a few ! Of of course , some of Hallmark ’s ornaments are merely cute and earnest , a.k.a . slow . But sometimes … sometimes an ornamentation come along that form you wonder just what the hell is go on in the mystifying recesses of the Hallmark company . These are those decoration .
Darth Vader Peekbuster
ignore how very , very perverse the word of honor “ peekbuster ” sound , remember that for 98 % of his prison term on - screen in the films , Vader was an iniquity , evil dude who would wipe out you long before he gave you a endowment . And even if you ’re pretending that Vader has somehow gotten swept up in the Christmas spirit , why on Naboo is his lightsaber drawn and extended ? Somebody ’s getting an Obi - Wan special for Christmas , that ’s why . Oh , I should point out the ornament says two rail line : “ The Force is strong with you , but it is not Christmas yet ” and “ You will peek again ; it is your destiny . ” So maybe we should n’t snub the word “ peekbuster . ”
Pooh - Koo Clock
You definitely ca n’t ignore the set phrase “ Pooh - koo , ” as there is utterly no mode it is n’t a sexual euphemism for the most loathly , disturbing scatological gender number you could possibly think of . I ’m go to take over it imply a midget doll of oneself , like the tiny Pooh that regular - sized Pooh has imprisoned in the clock . If you think I ’m reading too much into this , please await until you get to the last entry before you start defending Pooh ’s “ innocence . ”
Tyrannosaurus Rex
in reality , the idea of a dinosaur decoration is pretty nerveless , although it makes me question if the Hallmark ornamenteers have just give the screw up and are sticking an ornament lure on anything nowadays . But that does n’t excuse why this Tyrannosaurs has glowing red eye . Not calorie-free - up eyes , heed you ; oculus that have been painted glow red ink . Obviously , this is a cyborg dinosaur that has been sent to the present to wipe out humanity . And while that ’s awesome , I ’d say it still makes for a highly inappropriate ornament .
Edward and Bella ’s Wedding
I would cogitate that any ornament commemorating the fall movies and their ridiculous , obsequious dearest fib would be disturbing enough , but I really included this just to point out we are only a few years aside from an ornament of Bella and her wizard demon foetus clawing its way out of her venter . You screw it ’s happening .
Let ’s Get It On
This decoration has a sound chip which plays – and I swear I am not make this up – Marvin Gaye ’s intimate anthem “ permit ’s Get It on . ” Meaning Hallmark has made an ornament of a Gingerbread man and a drinking glass of milk getting ready to eff the shit out of each other . Oh my god , is this what allowing queer marriage has led us to ? ! The Tea Party was right ! ! !
Quick Curl Barbie Beauty Center
I live this is base on a classic Barbie toy , but there ’s no way this thing was n’t referred to as “ A Serial Killer ’s First Ornament ” in the Hallmark office . “ Remember , Thomas Kid ! Once you sever your victim ’s headland , it ’s up to you to keep them pretty ! habituate your female parent ’s make - up , and do n’t skimp ! Especially after workweek four or so . ”
E.T. the supernumerary - terrene
What skilful style to fete the sprightliness of Christmas than with an ornament of an stranger that reckon like a giant sentient scrotum , and whose risky venture on earth consisted of drinking beer , preen in women ’s clothing , and examine to abduct young children ? I fucking detest E.T.
What Happens at Granma ’s stay at Granma ’s
Either Granma know in Vegas or it is hugely leisurely to employ a tart at Granma ’s .
Me No Angel !
Aaaaand the Looney Tunes ’ Tazmanian Devil is dead . Why would n’t you need to commemorate his death on your tree diagram ? My favorite part is his expression ; this is not the look of a piece – er , animal – that died peacefully of born causes . No , he die young , and he ’s still pissed about it . I ’d wager anything Bugs Bunny off him . Still , for a species actually called “ deuce , ” I ’d think he ’d be happier about get to go to heaven .
Everything Is Honey
We all know Winnie the Pooh likes his honey , although I envisage most of us assumed he only savor eat it . But not so ! He also likes pour out it over his body and wallow in it ! He care letting it ooze between his finger and toes and tail end cheeks ! While in a bee costume ! Just seem at the grinning on his face . There ’s only one rationality someone sit in a pool of dear would be beam like that , and that ’s because the star is leave him an orgiastic delight that most people never even dream of . Given Pooh ’s well - documented love of beloved , it ’s distinctly the only consistent account . Unless , of form , Pooh is a urophiliac and he ’s actually playing in a puddle of piddle .
[ ViaHallmark ]
Christmasornaments
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